We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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