Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
