idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
