my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
