my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
