i think i scared a bird with my dick
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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