Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
