remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
