so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Terrible idea I love it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
