i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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