Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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