I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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