Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you would pick up someone in the library
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
