Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
