I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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