Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
