I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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