I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
