Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
