I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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