You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
