Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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