when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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