Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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