having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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