U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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