I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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