How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
