Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
