i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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