It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
