You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
