is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
