Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
