he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
