your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
