You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
