Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
