Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
