i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
