You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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