just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
