I think my vagina is haunted
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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