I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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