I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
