Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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