I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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