he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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