Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
