when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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