so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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