sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
