You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
