Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
