Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
