I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How naked do you want me to be?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize