i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there's paper in my vomit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
