That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just had sex on a roof
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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