I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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