One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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