I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
