i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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