Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
