how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
