Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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