Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
