Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize